Nightmares, Dreams, and the Path of Hope

I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. – John 10:10

One woman’s nightmare is another woman’s dream. It’s all relative. A divorced woman lives a happily married woman’s nightmare. Yet that same divorced woman, if she has a home, lives a homeless woman’s dream. Life can be very tough, but it could always be worse. The trick is to compare down – without being condescending.

In Jesus’ day, the Jews hoped for a conquering Messiah. He would crush the tyranny of Rome. And it was tyranny. Taxes were financially devastating. Marching Roman soldiers thought nothing of trampling Jewish children beneath their feet. Punishment for resisting Rome’s cruel oppression was extremely harsh, public crucifixion being common. Everyone longed for retribution on a personal level. Their Messiah would surely be the answer.

But Jesus had a very different strategy, and a far bigger deliverance than mere political conquering. No one expected the Messiah to look like Jesus. “Who’d have ever thought,” writes Michael Card, songwriter, “he’d be so meek and humble?” (We know, of course, that “meek” denotes strength under control.)

How blind those people were, we think – and then we look to God to wave the same anticipated wand over our lives. We don’t realize that fixing our problems is not what the Kingdom of God is all about.

Jesus comes into our lives to save us from sin, judgment, and despair. That goal can present a very different path from the one we hope for. Often, the only practical difference between having a relationship with Christ and not knowing him is hope. If we let go of Jesus, we still have all our problems, but we refuse the wisdom, comfort, and direction he offers. We refuse hope.

Having given us complete forgiveness and justification, God wants our trials to demonstrate his transforming power, as they forge our love relationship with him. He uses them to deepen our faith and love, so that we become “mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:4) As the hope of Christ permeates our suffering, at times we will share life-giving words. We’ll testify not from wishful thinking or delusional faith, but from actual experience.

That’s the path of hope. It may be paved with suffering, but it leads away from despair, to “abundant life.”

You're Beautiful

The King is enthralled by your beauty. – Psalm 45:11

Am I beautiful? It’s a question that haunts many women for decades.

Today’s American woman lives in a landscape of romantic devastation. Times past had their problems, but it seems to me that few eras of history have seen courtship and marriage as battered and defeated as our own. 

The path to marriage is blocked by a host of counter-productive teachings, attitudes, and spiritual or emotional injuries. I’ve often thought that this issue is the particular suffering of Christians today. Other generations faced severe persecution, famine, or plague. We have the plague of divorce, broken relationships, and prolonged singleness.

Raising children in these circumstances can be quite demanding. Parenting is a two-person job, and a single mom must accomplish the work of two on depleted emotional and physical reserves. She may also hear the abusive message that she is not beautiful, even that she is unworthy and contemptible. At such times, the idea that she is beautiful can seem as far-fetched as water in the desert.

I believe God can speak through any means, in any way. On Sunday, we sang “You’re Beautiful,” a popular worship song. The lyrics express our adoration of Christ. It occurred to me that God could easily sing the same to his people – especially to those who seldom hear how beautiful they are. Perhaps this is a message single moms need to hear.

When you get up alone in the middle of the night to comfort your frightened child… you’re beautiful.

When you bravely square your shoulders and pile your children and their things into the car for another long day at work and daycare… you’re beautiful.

When you take a call from a friend, even though you’re exhausted and have finally gotten the kids to sleep… you’re beautiful.

When you find a way to get dinner on the table, putting your own needs aside… you’re beautiful.

When your stress level is off the charts, but you take a few minutes to read to your child at bedtime… you’re beautiful.

God notices every choice you make to love, when it costs you more than anyone will know. When no one’s looking, he sees and he calls you beautiful.

Now, obviously we don’t always behave beautifully when others aren’t looking. But God has a remedy for that, too. He understands the factors that go into a blown fuse, and he doesn’t judge us the way people do. He knows it’s much harder to be kind when you’ve slept only four hours, your house is a disaster, and you can’t pay to fix the car. Furthermore, the blood of Christ cleanses our sins and mistakes. God sees us through Jesus, who is beautiful in grace – grace that applies to us no matter what.

Sing it to him, and you’ll hear the echo return from Heaven: You’re beautiful.

Noble Submission

…live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. – 1 Peter 3:8

It’s impossible to find a discussion of submission today without a carefully worded preface explaining what Biblical submission isn’t. The term sets off a lightning-fast reaction, triggering images of brow-beaten wives and selfish, domineering husbands. (We forget that many men endure doormat treatment, too.) Since you’ve probably heard it, I’ll shorten the preface: Biblical submission is not about being a doormat.

What Biblical submission is matters greatly to moms who attempt to model Christ-likeness to their children. Submission is simply the humble, gracious meeting of my children’s needs, often at my expense, as they grow into their God-created identity.

Ephesians 5:21 instructs us to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” We submit because we reverence the One who submitted himself to our need for salvation.

For a mom, the call to submission is usually loudest in the context of marriage and parenting. We model Biblical submission for our children when we respect them as God’s handiwork, made in his image and belonging to him. Recognizing the importance of our commission to raise them, we submit our agenda to their needs – needs that are as valid and important as our own. Good boundaries are implicit to our submission; I can’t freely choose my “yes” unless I can also freely deny my “no.”

I hear that my grandmother, who died before I was born, endured food shortages in Great Britain during World War II. While her husband was away at war, she had three mouths to feed, but only enough food for two. She chose, of course, to feed my dad and his sister; and the toll on her health ultimately shortened her life. Far from being a doormat, she demonstrated that true submission is a very noble choice.

What’s your take on submission? Do you have a great example to share?

Remember Grace

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God. – Ephesians 2:8

I woke up a few days ago feeling the intense weight of condemnation. It was a vague, unsettling feeling that I could have done better for my children. Accusations clobbered me:

• You’re selfish.
• You didn’t give the kids enough fun experiences when they were small.
• You should have gone swimming with them instead of sitting by the pool reading.
• Remember that time you yelled at them at the store? What were you thinking?!
• You’re ruining their lives.

It’s happened before. My friends encourage me to take an objective look at my life. They renew my perspective. “You’re doing a great job!” they say. Still, I know that at times I have failed my kids, so the accusations gain a foothold in my soul.

Note the effect: When I accept accusations, I become ineffective. I lose my joy. I snap at my kids, inviting more guilt. I put on the heavy yoke of religious law-keeping, trying to be the perfect mom. My children become unhappy, even oppressed. It’s not a pretty sight.

I suspect I’m not the only one. Our fast-paced culture promotes too much activity, and this hectic lifestyle drains our energy, leaving us prone to strained relationships and the attendant guilt. We don’t realize that relief is only a prayer away.

As I reached out to God, I remembered that honesty is foundational to the Christian life. Being a sinner is not the problem. The problem is trying to hide it. Some accusations are simply lies; but some carry the sting of partial truth. Confession and forgiveness robs them of their power. We can confidently respond, “Yes, I failed there. It’s forgiven, and I’m not looking back. By grace, I am not that person anymore. I have a new identity – so back off!”

The effects of grace are peace. As God poured grace onto my trigger-happy conscience, my joy returned. My children and I had a peaceful, happy day, lived on the foundation of unconditional love.

We learned in church yesterday that spiritual warfare is fought in the mind. It’s not about praying weird incantations “against the enemy,” or marking crosses on the doorframe with oil, or the other wacky things Christians do when they forget Biblical truth. It’s about remembering our redemption, and who we are because of God’s forgiveness and renewal. It’s about grace.