Messages of Hope from Aurora, Colorado

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. – Psalm 23:4

Most of us are still in shock over the horrifying carnage in Aurora, Colorado, that ended the lives of 12 people and injured many more. Our reactions range from fear, to rage, to heart-felt sorrow for those whose lives will never be the same. Personally, I don’t know how I could carry on if I lost one of my children in such an unspeakable way.

Reading the news, I long for some meaning, hope, and comfort. The whole thing seems so dark and terrible, and one’s heart breaks for the victims and their families. As the stories emerged, I noticed two hopeful messages.

God Is in Control

The story of one survivor’s miraculous protection captivated me. Petra Anderson’s brain “defect” (a harmless, aberrant channel of fluid traversing her brain) acted as a pathway for a bullet, guiding it through her brain so that it missed all vital brain tissue. Of all the places the bullet could have entered Petra’s brain, it hit the beginning of her fluid channel. (If you haven’t read the story, click here and here.) Even the surgeons who worked on Petra were ecstatic and amazed.

It sounds like a miracle, doesn’t it? God prepared a channel through a woman’s brain just as bizarrely as he prepared a basket and a river to save baby Moses from a murderous Egyptian Pharaoh.

At least, we can choose to see it that way. We could also ask why God would go to all this trouble when he could have prevented James Holmes from killing anyone in the first place. And what about those whom he did not protect? Why was Petra singled out for the miracle?

Our world is broken, and God does not always prevent the fallout. Instead, he steps into the mess. He reaches out to us, longing to carry us through, but giving us the choice to accept or refuse his help. Using even human oppression, he  deepens our love and ultimately leads us through our dark valleys to his glorious presence.

I believe God has given us a message in Petra’s miracle. Her story teaches us that God is in control before, during, and after the traumas we experience. We can take refuge in him. Through his unique preparation of Petra’s brain for a bullet, God momentarily pulled back the curtain on his constant, detailed involvement with every life. The Petra miracle strikes me as a vivid plea: God revealed his protection of Petra to show us that he is always in control. We may not understand why things happen the way they do, but God sees the whole picture, from the eternal perspective. When life doesn’t make sense, he Helongs for us to turn to him and trust him, no matter what.

We Still Have Heroes

I don’t know what lead James Holmes to his actions. As a mom, I find his situation devastating, too. It is likely he was delusional (click here). Although he alone is responsible for his actions, his behavior does reflect our society. Increasing isolation, violent entertainment, and the devaluation of human life could all have contributed to his mental state. So it’s consoling to know that we are not abandoned.

Did you know that of the twelve people who died, three were men who died shielding their girlfriends? These amazing men – Alex Teves, Matt McQuinn, and Jonathan Blunk – were prepared to give their lives defending their loved ones; when the moment came, they responded. While I grieve for their families, with them I feel incredibly proud of these men. Their selfless choices triumphed over evil, shouting the message that heroism is alive and well.

Let’s pray:

Dear Lord, thank you for the assurance of your presence and care. We choose to trust you. Please comfort and sustain those whose lives have been torn by the atrocities in Aurora. Hold them in your care, and bring them through their dark valley to great peace. In Christ’s name, amen.

Four Ways to Love Your Teen

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another. – Romans 13:8

The teen years are defined by a child’s transition to self-management. We long to see our children emerge from our care as self-reliant, confident adults ready to conquer their world. But the transition brings its challenges. It’s telling that parents who were formally vocal about the Right Way to Raise Kids quiet down as their children enter the teen years!

Raising teens is a wonderful opportunity to take off the mask and get real with life. During the teen years, we reap the fruit of our earlier parenting, which elicits sometimes painful self-examination. No one gets it all right!

It helps to remember that a child’s poor choices do not necessarily reflect his parents’ failures. Even Billy Graham’s son, Franklin, famously and embarrassingly rebelled for a season. Good parenting is not as much about a child’s choices as it is about how a parent responds to those choices. In other words, the past is past, the future is out of our hands, and good parenting happens right now.

I am thankful to have teenagers who respond to direction and willingly include me in their transition to adulthood. So far, their choices are not of the ilk to permanently institutionalize me. Even so, our teen-blessed home life can be an emotional roller-coaster.

Reflecting on my children’s journeys so far, I found some strong encouragement in 1 Corinthians 13:7: “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Love Bears All Things

Love does not give up on consistent discipline. We all have seasons during which we may become careless with discipline, perhaps from outside distractions, illness – or sheer exhaustion! Love picks up and tightens the reins again as needed. For example, when a teen does only the minimal work required, and that sloppily, love bears with the painful process of applying consequences. It doesn’t give up until the child has internalized and owned the truth that he alone is responsible for his work.

Kids long to know we will oppose them if they threaten to self-destruct. When a teen tests a parent’s love this way, love bears the process of saving that child from himself. Love persists, no matter how inconvenient, embarrassing, or expensive in terms of time, finances, or anything else. It bears the cost of separating a teen from his harmful choices, friends, and fledgling habits.

Love Believes All Things

Love believes that my teen has what it takes; that training will bear its fruit in time; that my teen is part of something bigger than himself; and that God is sovereignly preparing my teen for his amazing purposes.

We tend to fulfill what we think others believe about us. When my children were little, I found that they responded beautifully when I viewed them as children of God. My belief in them provided a reference point for their growing identities. This principle has held true throughout my parenting journey.

Believe in your children. Assume they will become responsible. Look forward to their successes, and share your excitement about their futures with him. Anticipating rebellion makes it very difficult for a child to behave well, because it sends the message that the child is bad. Because of Christ's sacrifice, God sees us as perfectly holy - even though we sin. He sees our children this way, too. They need the same grace from us.

Love Hopes All Things

God demonstrates hopeful love by continually hoping for us. He hopes for our success and growth. This involves risk, because he knows we can negate his hope by making poor choices.

We can do the same for our children. If we’ve encountered a lot of disappointment in life, risking hope can be difficult. Not risking hope is our other option, however, and that is worse.

Love hopes that my teens will fulfill their potential. It hopes that even though the enemy of their souls opposes them, “the one who is in (them) is greater than the one who is in the world.” (1 John 4:4) God will win his victories in my teens’ lives.

Love hopes despite set-backs and disappointments and failures. Our hope for our children’s future cheers them on when their plans are upset. It encourages them to learn from their failures and look to the next step, not indulging in self-pity or discouragement.

Love Endures All Things

At the end of the day, love remains. Love outlasts the upheaval of a child’s transition from parent-management to self-management. Our teens can emerge from childhood understanding they were loved through it all.

What has helped you the most, as you’ve parented your teenager?

Bridging the Divide

On the one hand, I am part of “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for (God’s) own possession…” (1 Peter 2:9) I’m a woman clothed with strength and dignity (Proverbs 31:28); an “oak of righteousness” (Isaiah 61:3). I have been cleansed from a guilty conscience (Hebrews 10:22). By “the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast,” I am “his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works.” (Ephesians 2:8-10) I can make a difference. I can be the mom my kids need; I can encourage and uplift my friends. That’s on the one hand.

On the other hand, my house is a mess. Life in the country involves a rat problem. Stuff breaks; my children are growing up without a dad in the home; I fail to love many times a day, and sometimes I hurt people in my stress. The great divide between who I am and what I do and experience confronts me every morning.

“So do not fear, for I am with you,” says our gracious God. “I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10) “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you… when you walk through fire you shall not be burned.” (Isaiah 43:2) Jesus reminds us in John 15:5, “Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”

Apparently, the divide is bridged by continual dependence on Christ. We can lean on him, letting him carry us through the day. Like sheep, we can stay close to the shepherd. He covers our mistakes, making our “feet like hind’s feet and will make (us) to walk (not to stand still in terror…) and make spiritual progress upon (our) high places of trouble, suffering, or responsibility.” (Habakkuk 3:19, Amplified) Though the problems look impossibly high, and we make mistakes, Jesus leads us to a place of rest and hope. The secret is not in striving to fix things. It’s in leaving our old nature behind and taking on each new moment depending on Christ afresh.