Curt Coleman teaches a fantastic Bible study at Santa Cruz Bible Church. He's a scholar, and he expounds God's word on a super deep level. I'm very grateful that he agreed to share these beautiful insights about forgiveness on my blog. Thanks so much, Curt and Catina!
Looking at the origin of words can often result in nuggets of gold being found. For example, the word “forgive” is a word that is full of Grace (in both English and Greek). The original word meant “to give or to grant”. Later, forgive came to mean “to remit a debt; to give up resentment or claim for requital; to pardon an offense.”
Where is the nugget of gold? Stay with me just a little bit longer and you will find the nugget.
We feel that others owe us courtesy and consideration. Sometimes in the workplace we feel that we are owed a reward or promotion. We especially feel we are owed justice and fair treatment. Unfortunately, it seems that most of the people we encounter in society are spiritually, ethically and morally bankrupt! They cannot pay what they owe. These people are thoughtless, selfish, and ungracious. Both carnal Christians and pagans (non-believers) act this way.
Yes, Jesus taught forgiveness in his parable of the rich man who forgave two debts, but we must also remember that the rich man was able to forgive because he was prosperous. [Principle: we can only give out of what we have; you cannot give what you do not have.]
So what is a Christian to do with all the debt owed to her? Answer: confess your own debts, be filled with the Spirit, and forgive others debts as Christ forgave yours.
This answer is not a Christian cliché, but a powerful outcome when a Christian practices being filled with the Spirit and looks at her situation through the eyes of her Heavenly Father. That is, a person that practices Grace thinking (divine viewpoint) will become a forgiving person, because out of her inner most being will flow rivers of living water. A person can only give to others out of what God has already provided to them. To forgive means “to give up a claim; to remit a debt.” Since we have received the grace of God and have all our debts forgiven, out of that abundance of grace, we can forgive others. Thus, we see a nugget of gold here in that forgive is to remit a debt, and to do so only comes from abundance and out of want.
Therefore, whenever in your life you find that someone owes you something, you now have the wherewithal to forgive him! Christians are called by God to be ambassadors and channels of grace and forgiveness. Be reminded that it is his grace that you are giving when you forgive what is owed you.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Grace and the Skeleton in the Closet
For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit. – 1 Peter 3:18-19
Are you thankful for your citizenship? I love being able to walk into any Christian congregation and feel at home, among family. If you’re longing for relationship with God and you’re not sure you’ve ever really understood the Gospel’s message, click on my Jesus and You page. There’s a place for everyone in God’s family.
Here’s an allegorical story about the grace God gave us at the cross.
There was once a gentlewoman named Grace. She had a way of relieving people’s fears. When she walked away from a conversation, people felt unburdened, light, and free. Grace was amazing. Many believed she was sent by God Himself.
One day, she came to my house. I welcomed her and gave her a cup of Earl Grey tea. Her words were so refreshing. She discussed my life with me, affirming the miracles God had done and painting over my mistakes with words of love and reminders of God’s forgiveness. Everything was going so well that I almost missed her spontaneous offer.
“Why don’t we clean out your closets?” she asked, brightly. “I love helping people organize!” She put down her empty teacup and looked at me expectantly.
I blinked. “What did you say?” This could be very uncomfortable. I had a really big, really offensive mess in my bedroom closet. I had never told a living soul about it. A hard knot began to form in my stomach.
“Your closets – let’s go get ‘em!” She was grinning, almost challenging me.
“Um, that’s a very kind offer. But I’d hate to trouble you.” I fumbled desperately for an excuse.
She gently brushed past my resistance, grabbed a trash bag, and stepped into the closet across from the bathroom. I hoped she would tire of the project before we got to the bedroom.
This first closet was messy, but pretty typical of a busy household. I had tossed small things in there for the past several years, planning to sort it all out when I had time. We pulled everything out, cleaned the shelves, and made a Goodwill pile, a trash pile, and a keep pile. After an hour or so, it looked like a page out of Better Homes and Gardens! My embarrassment faded a little as I surveyed the finished closet. This isn’t so bad, I thought, pushing aside my fears about the bedroom closet.
We spent a few more hours cleaning out the school supplies in the family room closet and tackling two closets in the basement. I was learning that Grace could handle my ugly messes. We began laughing and chatting easily as we approached each new mess. As she opened each closet door, whatever was lurking there didn’t seem like the ominous threat I had imagined it to be. Oh, it was still nasty; but somehow in Grace’s presence it lost its power. Nothing seemed to shock her. But how would she react to my biggest mess?
With most of my heart, I hoped she’d leave. But oddly, I also hoped she wouldn’t. You see, that giant mess had a life of its own. Late at night it would slam open the closet door and march to my bed. It would torment me, taunt me, haunt me, remind me of my worst deeds, shredding my peace with its hissed accusations. Many times I had crept downstairs seeking relief. Lately, I’d realized that something had to give. My tortured thoughts were becoming too much to bear.
That mess was going to kill me.
Grace dragged the last bulging, black garbage bag to the front door, straightened, and wiped her sleeve across her brow. A great, serious sadness replaced her cheerfulness as she looked me straight in the eye. “It’s time to clean your bedroom closet,” she said, quietly.
She knew!
My heart began pounding and sweat trickled down my back. I couldn’t speak a word as we walked up the stairs, surely towards my execution. I knew that once the mess was out of the closet, I was finished. There was no way in Heaven that Grace could tolerate its putrid stench. She would gasp in shock, then pronounce me irredeemable. The knot in my stomach turned to nausea.
At my bedroom door, I turned to face her. “Grace, I can’t show you!” I screamed. I tried to push past her and flee the house, but she embraced me in a grip like iron, gently but firmly leading me to the closet.
“Open the door,” she instructed.
I pulled it open. There stood the secret core of my sin, the horror of my selfishness, the ghastly face of pride, harshly recounting the worst deeds of my unregenerate self. I felt my life draining away. I stood silently, awaiting the crushing blow of Grace’s condemnation.
To my astonishment, she expressed no shock. Instead, her gentle voice continued the cleansing theme that had marked our day together. “Why the trepidation?” she asked. “This is not beyond my reach. Whatever is brought to the light becomes light. It has no more hold on you.” And she piled the whole vile thing into a new trash bag, as I sat by and wept.
The usual mistake is to keep our sin hidden because of pride. We’re fine admitting to the regular fare – gossip, or a bad temper, for example – but we’re terrified of facing the worst of who we are without Christ. When we hide, we subject ourselves to needless torment. We remain captive to our fears, while Grace stands right beside us, offering freedom if we will only open our closet door.
The Bible instructs us, “confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you might be healed.” (James 5:16) It’s important to reach out to a trusted friend if we’ve never known the full reaches of grace. That’s part of coming to the light. A good friend can reassure us that Jesus died for every sin, not just the ones we deem less serious. We never need to fear God’s response. “If we confess our sins,” writes John, “He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) No matter what we’ve done, God promises it is not beyond the reach of Grace.
Happy Easter! I hope your day was wonderfully blessed! We had a lovely day visiting a small, local church where the mood was joyful and the praises heartfelt. Next, we had lunch with our beloved Grandma and Grandpa. And we studied a map of Manhattan Island, figuring out the best way to get to Times Square Church on our trip next month.
Are you thankful for your citizenship? I love being able to walk into any Christian congregation and feel at home, among family. If you’re longing for relationship with God and you’re not sure you’ve ever really understood the Gospel’s message, click on my Jesus and You page. There’s a place for everyone in God’s family.
Here’s an allegorical story about the grace God gave us at the cross.
There was once a gentlewoman named Grace. She had a way of relieving people’s fears. When she walked away from a conversation, people felt unburdened, light, and free. Grace was amazing. Many believed she was sent by God Himself.
One day, she came to my house. I welcomed her and gave her a cup of Earl Grey tea. Her words were so refreshing. She discussed my life with me, affirming the miracles God had done and painting over my mistakes with words of love and reminders of God’s forgiveness. Everything was going so well that I almost missed her spontaneous offer.
“Why don’t we clean out your closets?” she asked, brightly. “I love helping people organize!” She put down her empty teacup and looked at me expectantly.
I blinked. “What did you say?” This could be very uncomfortable. I had a really big, really offensive mess in my bedroom closet. I had never told a living soul about it. A hard knot began to form in my stomach.
“Your closets – let’s go get ‘em!” She was grinning, almost challenging me.
“Um, that’s a very kind offer. But I’d hate to trouble you.” I fumbled desperately for an excuse.
She gently brushed past my resistance, grabbed a trash bag, and stepped into the closet across from the bathroom. I hoped she would tire of the project before we got to the bedroom.
This first closet was messy, but pretty typical of a busy household. I had tossed small things in there for the past several years, planning to sort it all out when I had time. We pulled everything out, cleaned the shelves, and made a Goodwill pile, a trash pile, and a keep pile. After an hour or so, it looked like a page out of Better Homes and Gardens! My embarrassment faded a little as I surveyed the finished closet. This isn’t so bad, I thought, pushing aside my fears about the bedroom closet.
We spent a few more hours cleaning out the school supplies in the family room closet and tackling two closets in the basement. I was learning that Grace could handle my ugly messes. We began laughing and chatting easily as we approached each new mess. As she opened each closet door, whatever was lurking there didn’t seem like the ominous threat I had imagined it to be. Oh, it was still nasty; but somehow in Grace’s presence it lost its power. Nothing seemed to shock her. But how would she react to my biggest mess?
With most of my heart, I hoped she’d leave. But oddly, I also hoped she wouldn’t. You see, that giant mess had a life of its own. Late at night it would slam open the closet door and march to my bed. It would torment me, taunt me, haunt me, remind me of my worst deeds, shredding my peace with its hissed accusations. Many times I had crept downstairs seeking relief. Lately, I’d realized that something had to give. My tortured thoughts were becoming too much to bear.
That mess was going to kill me.
Grace dragged the last bulging, black garbage bag to the front door, straightened, and wiped her sleeve across her brow. A great, serious sadness replaced her cheerfulness as she looked me straight in the eye. “It’s time to clean your bedroom closet,” she said, quietly.
She knew!
My heart began pounding and sweat trickled down my back. I couldn’t speak a word as we walked up the stairs, surely towards my execution. I knew that once the mess was out of the closet, I was finished. There was no way in Heaven that Grace could tolerate its putrid stench. She would gasp in shock, then pronounce me irredeemable. The knot in my stomach turned to nausea.
At my bedroom door, I turned to face her. “Grace, I can’t show you!” I screamed. I tried to push past her and flee the house, but she embraced me in a grip like iron, gently but firmly leading me to the closet.
“Open the door,” she instructed.
I pulled it open. There stood the secret core of my sin, the horror of my selfishness, the ghastly face of pride, harshly recounting the worst deeds of my unregenerate self. I felt my life draining away. I stood silently, awaiting the crushing blow of Grace’s condemnation.
To my astonishment, she expressed no shock. Instead, her gentle voice continued the cleansing theme that had marked our day together. “Why the trepidation?” she asked. “This is not beyond my reach. Whatever is brought to the light becomes light. It has no more hold on you.” And she piled the whole vile thing into a new trash bag, as I sat by and wept.
The usual mistake is to keep our sin hidden because of pride. We’re fine admitting to the regular fare – gossip, or a bad temper, for example – but we’re terrified of facing the worst of who we are without Christ. When we hide, we subject ourselves to needless torment. We remain captive to our fears, while Grace stands right beside us, offering freedom if we will only open our closet door.
The Bible instructs us, “confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you might be healed.” (James 5:16) It’s important to reach out to a trusted friend if we’ve never known the full reaches of grace. That’s part of coming to the light. A good friend can reassure us that Jesus died for every sin, not just the ones we deem less serious. We never need to fear God’s response. “If we confess our sins,” writes John, “He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) No matter what we’ve done, God promises it is not beyond the reach of Grace.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Forgiveness
The Lord sets prisoners free. – Psalm 146:7
No one knows the dark path to forgiveness like a divorced parent. The natural response to an offense against our children is to retain our anger bitterly, never forgetting what has happened. But unforgiveness is a prison built for one. It does nothing to repay the person who hurt our kids. Instead, it nourishes bitter thoughts, which torment us like steady drips of water. It stunts our growth and, ironically, it can damage the lives of the children we hope to avenge.
Pretty bleak metaphor – a prison and water torture! Obviously, forgiveness is extremely necessary for our growth and healing.
Jesus was big on forgiveness. In Matthew 18 he tells a serious parable, in which a servant, who was forgiven a huge debt, refuses to forgive another servant who owed him only a little. Jesus warns us that if we do not forgive, we will be required to pay back our debt. (I don’t know how this ties in with our salvation, but I can assure you that we are saved by grace, through faith alone.) Remembering our offenses against God, which He has forgiven, helps us to view the offender with humility.
I’ve noticed that we tend to misunderstand forgiveness. We think it’s a matter of grasping why the person wronged us. If we can blame their actions on some terrible trauma, we can excuse them. Empathy helps, but its goal is not to convince us the person couldn’t help it. To forgive, we must face the fact that we were wronged. Then we must choose to let it go. This is only possible by God’s powerful Holy Spirit within us.
Forgiveness is like releasing something from our possession. I once hauled a couch single-handedly to our local dump. (What was I thinking?!) I had to remove the seats from my van and leverage the thing out my sliding door, off the deck, into the passenger space. Inside the huge, reeking dumpshed, I backed my van to the edge of the concrete pit, where piles of stinking garbage await their afterlife. I leveraged that huge couch out of my van and onto the garbage heap, holding my breath the entire time. I drove out of there lickety-split, leaving the couch behind forever. That’s what we do with offenses against us.
It's worth mentioning that forgiveness is given, but trust is built. God does not require us to trust a person when we forgive them. Exspouses remain a part of our lives if we are coparenting children with them. Many single parents face repeated offenses, which requires ongoing forgiveness - and the establishment of boundaries. If this is your situation, you must use appropriate boundaries to protect yourself and your children from further abuse.
It's worth mentioning that forgiveness is given, but trust is built. God does not require us to trust a person when we forgive them. Exspouses remain a part of our lives if we are coparenting children with them. Many single parents face repeated offenses, which requires ongoing forgiveness - and the establishment of boundaries. If this is your situation, you must use appropriate boundaries to protect yourself and your children from further abuse.
When we let a person off the hook, through forgiveness, we are released from our bitter prison. What a beautiful gift for the children we love!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Stopping the Wave
A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense. – Proverbs 19:11
Did you see that viral video of the two menopausal women who get in a car fight? One of them bumps the other’s door and doesn’t apologize, and the tension escalates so much that they end up wrecking each other’s cars! Pretty funny – until it nearly happens to you!
A while ago, my kids and I were waiting in a parking lot for a friend. I would be taking her kids and mine to a birthday party. I had already sustained several irritations that day. Up walked Ms. Rich Kid and her swanky boyfriend. They got in their brand new SUV, and her door hit my van as she swung into the passenger seat. Did she apologize? No, she did not. Did she even look in my direction? No, she did not. Did she ignore me while I tried to get her attention? Yes, she did. Was I upset? YES, I WAS UPSET!!!
They hauled off into their perfect world while I sat and waited for my friend. And waited. And waited. My friend was 15 minutes late. Did she notice? No, she did not. Did she apologize for wasting 15 minutes of my precious time? No, she did not. Was I upset? ONLY SLIGHTLY!!!
As I neared the exit of the parking lot, I noticed a group of shoppers in front of me, waiting to cross from the store to their vehicles. This was the ugly thought that screamed through my head: YOU GUYS CAN JUST WAIT! Let’s pause the movie for a moment and analyze the obvious.
Why was I prone to being mean just then? I had just taken two of those little blows that buffet and prick us during any given day. With the accumulation of earlier stresses, they had pushed me over my patience threshold. I felt that I could not absorb any more of life’s harrassments. The bad vibe would have to spill out onto someone else.
But, miraculously, it wouldn’t.
It’s funny how God can use even a YouTube video. I remembered those crazy menopausal women, and I realized how stupid it is to perpetuate the negative waves that hit us. No one wins. I chose to let both incidents go. I stopped my van and let the shoppers pass, and amazingly, the stress inside me sort of evaporated. I want to do that more often.
I’ve read that expressing anger safely (punching a pillow, for example) works to process and eliminate the emotion. I’ve also read that this method actually increases anger. I believe the latter. In my experience, mulling over and acting on whatever caused my anger makes it grow.
Happily, God has given us the tools to stop the negative waves. We can pray. We can talk things through with a friend. We can forgive. We can exercise patience. We can absorb the unpleasant feelings, and put out something better. The person who passed the wave on to us was probably hit by it earlier. Or, they might just be selfish. Either way, we can stop the wave.
Friday, April 1, 2011
A Reason to Smile
Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. (Psalm 16:5-6)
Ever noticed that single parents don’t always have the same opportunities that married parents enjoy? Of course, that’s a huge generalization, but statistically it’s somewhat true. Maybe you’ve watched a friend live your dream, and you’ve felt frustrated, even envious. This malady affects many demographics – spouses of alcoholics, disabled people, victims of prejudice – anyone whose situation exposes them to unfair treatment, misunderstandings, or hardship. It’s very easy to fall into the comparing trap. One woman put it this way: “Metaphorically, my friend lives in Hawaii and I live in Ethiopia!”
When Jesus told Peter about the kind of death he would die, Peter compared his lot with John’s. “He asked, ‘Lord, what about him?’ Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow Me.’” (John 21:21-22)
It’s ludicrous – an emotional energy drain – to compare our situation with someone else’s. Really, what’s it to you? Instead, let’s focus on the portion and cup God has given us. He takes you seriously, and He is passionately concerned about your life. All your concerns and objectives are right where you are, as you follow Him along your unique path. Best of all, He is with you and you have a special relationship with Him that no one else is privy to. As you face your struggles together, that relationship deepens. And that’s a reason to smile!
Be Prepared
The eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him. 2 Chron. 16:9
Mary’s response to the annunciation (see Luke 1:46-55) is one of joy, humility and surrender. She does not dwell on the problems she will face as an unwed mother. Instead, her song focuses on what God has done for her. Clearly, she has practiced trusting God with the big events of her life while exercising obedience in her daily life. Therefore, when God calls, she is ready.
Most successful people testify that there’s no substitute for being ready when opportunity knocks. If our heart’s desire is for a fruitful life, the first lesson we must learn is to be occupied with our part and trust God with His. God doesn’t ask us to bring about the opportunities. That’s His department, and He’s very good at it. Instead, He looks for people who are surrendered to Him. If we practice trust and obedience in the simple, day-to-day activities that make up our lives, we’ll be ready when God presents a new phase of ministry. We can trust Him to bring it to pass.
Lord, forgive me for the times I’ve worried about Your design for my life, while neglecting the simple things You’ve asked me to do. Thank You that You are able to prepare me perfectly for Your plans for me.
Mary’s response to the annunciation (see Luke 1:46-55) is one of joy, humility and surrender. She does not dwell on the problems she will face as an unwed mother. Instead, her song focuses on what God has done for her. Clearly, she has practiced trusting God with the big events of her life while exercising obedience in her daily life. Therefore, when God calls, she is ready.
Most successful people testify that there’s no substitute for being ready when opportunity knocks. If our heart’s desire is for a fruitful life, the first lesson we must learn is to be occupied with our part and trust God with His. God doesn’t ask us to bring about the opportunities. That’s His department, and He’s very good at it. Instead, He looks for people who are surrendered to Him. If we practice trust and obedience in the simple, day-to-day activities that make up our lives, we’ll be ready when God presents a new phase of ministry. We can trust Him to bring it to pass.
Lord, forgive me for the times I’ve worried about Your design for my life, while neglecting the simple things You’ve asked me to do. Thank You that You are able to prepare me perfectly for Your plans for me.
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